Following is a summary of a talk by ‘Arif-billah Dr Abdul Hayy ‘Arifi (Allah have mercy on him) ,
Keep your understanding of Tasawwuf clear.
Do not be misled by those who consider it to be limited to the recitation of litanies and excessive remembrance (dhikr).
Practical application of Tasawwuf in everyday life boils down to paying close attention to the rights of the others. Make sure that you do not become a source of any discomfort for them, however, minute it may be.
And remember, the most immediate, important and best evaluation of your success in this endeavor will be your dealings, attitude and behavior with your spouse .
(Audio waaz)
Assalamu’ Allaikum Hazrat,
I have a request. Can you please pray to Almighty Allah that he softens the heart of my older brother ‘Ahsan’ that he treats his wife kindly? He’s gone through a divorce already due to his violent temper with his first wife and now he’s doing the same things to his second wife. Since he’s much older than I am and has a temper issue, I feel somewhat reluctant to approach this sensitive topic with him. I feel very sorry for his wife and pray that Allah keeps them together with love and gentleness towards each other.
Secondly, with regards to the above topic, it would be very helpful if you could explain the part “….not become source of any discomfort……”
as in real life, being a supervisor to my employees, I have to sometimes adopt a harsh tone when they don’t follow the rules of take care of their work. Am I being breaking this principle by causing them discomfort when reprimanding them for dereliction of duty or does it not apply in these type of scenarios? Jazak Allah khayr for your advice.
Respected brother,
As salam o alaykum wrwb
JazakAllah.
Regarding the first issue, I certainly will make dua for him. However, it must be remembered that in addition to the blame-worthy moral traits like arrogance, impatience, etc. ‘pathological’ anger may also be a sign and symptom of underlying neurological or psychiatric disease, like mild forms of autism, ADHD, psot stress distress, depression, etc. and nazr/sehar (magic, evil eye). Please, consult the specialized physician regarding their diagnosis and treatment.
It will be best to remind your brother in a gentle and humble way via a letter or email about these things. InshaAllah following two post will also be helpful,
http://www.ashrafiya.com/2008/12/15/anger-3/
http://www.ashrafiya.com/2007/06/25/things-to-do-when-angry/
Create a nice postcard about the points mentioned in above and present him so he can place it somewhere visible most of the time.
Explain to his wife about this chronic problem and advice her to
1. Do not reply back when he is angry
2. Make dua, asking Allah SWT for help when he is angry
3. Recite durood sharif in a soft low volume voice that is barely audible to the one right next to him (when he is being angry)
InshaAllah, things will improve.
Regarding the second issue, it must be clear that ‘any discomfort’ here should be interpreted wisely. Otherwise, Shaykh disciplining the murid and teacher reprimanding the student etc will all become blame worthy.
A simple principle to distinguish this would be any discomfort that is because of your own egoistic reasons and not for the benefit of the other.
Wallahu ‘alam.