The wife of a very close murid (and khalifa) wrote,

‘I have the spiritual illness of anger. This is particularly so for my husband. At times I become very angry at him. Later I regret it and sometimes even cry.’

Hakim al-Umma Hadhrat Mawlana Ashraf ‘Ali Thanawi (may Allah have mercy on him) replied,

“To become angry, especially in intimate relationships, is beyond one’s control.

However, to act inappropriately because of these feelings remains within one’s volition.  The only way this control can be achieved is by being patient and accommodating. This has to be done with firm determination even if it is hard on the lower self (nafs).

Use the following tips to strengthen your determination,

1. Contemplate on your status. That is, I stand at a lower level (in this relationship).

2. Remind yourself of the past remorse on actions done when you were angry.

3. Involve yourself in some other activity immediately.

4. Move away from the scene, so that you do not see each other.

5. Remind yourself that you may jump the limits of justified anger and be held (by Allah) for this.

Keep these instruction-note handy at a place where you can see it at the time of being angry.”

Zikr e Jalil ra, page 90-1