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Medinah e Munawwarah
Steps to success
A seeker writes,
Issue#1 – Exposure to illicit viewing/reading material. May Allah SWT forgive me, I feel this continues to be a major drag for my spirituality. My mind is constantly surrounded with extremely dirty thoughts, I just feel like I am a slave to these thoughts. I feel the illicit lifestyles spread by western culture is something I internally find extremely attractive. Overall it is a huge and constant challenge.
Alhamdulillah some concrete steps came to mind to take care of this situation.
a) After mustering up a lot of courage I confided in my wife that I need more intimacy to rid myself completely of these evil habit. Alhamdulillah she took it positively and committed to helping out as much as possible inshaAllah.
b) I blocked off access to wrong stuff on my iphone as much as possible. Basically I downloaded this browser called K9. This is extremely restrictive in what you can access, I found it to be excellent MashaAllah. The way it works is that it maintains a server side repository of banned websites. All the queries (even google image search) goes through their servers and it actively blocks wrong stuff. I also deleted all the other browsers and applications that could be used to access the web. I put a PIN code on the functionality of installing new applications. And only my wife knows the PIN code. Please make dua that I remain steadfast on this inshaAllah.
………..
Amin!
Masha Allah. This is great.
This is indeed real spiritual progress. May Allah give isteqamet and facilitate it for you. Amin!
Women’s’ bayiah
Hakim al Umma Mawlana Ashraf Ali Thanawi (Allah have mercy on him) said,
‘The bayiah from women should not be done by taking their hand in one’s hand.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) never touched a woman while taking bayiah.
It is impermissible (haram) to touch an unrelated (non mehram) woman.
The author of ‘Mehboob as Salikeen‘ writes,
‘The bayiah of women is as follows,
If they are not present at the occasion than they become bayiah via representation of a mehram relative. The instructions (for sulook) are given to them via this representative. The Shaikh (may) give them a piece of cloth from his garments (as a token for this pact).
If the women are present at the occasion than they become bayiah from behind a veil. The hand holding should not be done.
Hence, the Shaikh takes allegiance from men by holding their hand but not from the women.
Moreover, it is mentioned in this book that the exclamation ‘I accept’ (at the time of acceptance of allegiance) is for men (only).
Then the Shaikh instructs the women to do good and abstain from sinful (from behind the veil).
Taleemud Deen, page 192-3 (Rehmania edition)
The final abode
Suhba of Shaikh & correspondence
Shaikh Khawaja Alauddin Attar (Allah have mercy on him) said,
‘It is a highly recommended practice (similar to the status of sunnat e muakkidah) to keep company (suhba) of the Shaikh. If not possible daily then it should be twice or thrice per month. If even this is not possible then there should be regular correspondence with the Shaikh so that one is not included in those who are totally absent (from the Shaikh’s suhba).’
Sawanih Mawlana Abdullah Shah rehmatullah aleh, page x
Khud rayi: a common mistake
A common pitfall in islah is being over zealous. Taking matters into one’s own hand and acting without consulting the Shaikh.
This is dangerous. The email exchange below in an example to learn from.
Seeker:My family background is not very religious particularly my wife and parents and I have faced some resistance from them when I spend my last two years with a shaikh who is Mujaz of Shaikh……………rahmullah. The scenarios should hve been dealt by me more calmly but at times I also had lost control over my temper which ultimately hurt my cause and had put me now in a confusing situation that should I carry on with my existing shaikh or should I quit?
I am in a very confused state of mind these days.
Your experienced thoughts will be highly appreciated.
Reply: It is the job of the Shaikh to maintain the balance in islah of the salik, avoiding the extremes. This is possible only if the murid or Seeker is genuinely telling him all the details, asking his advice and doing as instructed. If this was not done then it will be inappropriate to seek another Shaikh. If this was done then it has to be assessed in detail what went wrong. It will best to have a very open and direct discussion about these issues with the present Shaikh and see what does he say. A genuine Shaikh will not become upset at this.
Please, remember the following principles,
1. It is essential to have an healthy, serene and friendly home environment to practice deen effectively.
2. You are responsible for your own islah and spiritual betterment
3. Your only duty is to be husband/father/son/etc. at home. Your wife is your best friend. You have to provide for her what no one else in the whole world can provide her. Security, intimate care and respect.
4.You are not there to do her islah. She is a responsible adult.
5. Lots of Patience, planning and dua are needed to change others. Sometimes you have to wait years to say the appropriate thing at the appropriate timings in an appropriate manner with a correct intention.
6. Anger is a blame worthy moral (razila). It is haram, especially for a novice (mubtadi) like me and you. It will only result in more darkness and worsening of affairs.
7. Validity of islah is only genuine when approved by one’s spouse. She knows you from inside and outside like no one else.
Moreover, it remains unclear that was there any khud raiy by yourself? That is, you did things on your own without asking for guidance from the Shaikh or did not follow his advice precisely. This is a disease. If it is not diagnosed and treated appropriately till will recur even if you go to the best Shaikh in the universe.
Seeker:Yes there was a habit of Khud raiy in me. For Example my shaikh in the very begining asked me to keep a lower gaze when going to your in laws where your wife sisters are also present. But on the contrary in order to gain Taqwa I forced my wife to make a separate arrangement for Gents and Ladies and which they had to do bcs of my pressure.Later I disclose it to my shaikh he did not notice this marz of mine.
Same thing occurred when there was a gathering organized by my parents where my brothers wives are present and just for Taqwa I did not go.
Keeping adab of the shaikh in my mind or to create my good impression in his mind I did not ask many question with my shaikh and just tried to follow what was being said in the majalis by him or his khulafa.
1. My parents wanted me to also wear a trouser and a shirt in office or in weddings instead of shalwar Kameez but on my own I quit wearing them without seeking any advice from a shaikh.This was also because just to keep my ankles uncovered
2. Similarly they wanted me sometimes to also give time to my family on Sundays (weekly holidays) by taking them for outing instead of going to majalis as the timing were of Sunday evenings but I did not pay heed to it and took decision on my own.
I tried to contact my shaikh again (regarding this confusion) but there was no response.
Reply:If it is difficult to communicate with the Shaikh then it is allowed to take another Shaikh with whom easy and open communication is possible. It must be remembered Shaikh is a consultant, with out proper communication he wont be able to give appropriate advice.
However, the adab of the initial Shaikh must be continued with extreme care.
The most feared scenario in cases similar to yours is that lower self (nafs) and Shaytan will try to derail you from this islah process altogether. They will tell you that this path is hopeless, you got into marital trouble because of it, just be a ‘cool Muslim’, taking deen & dunya together.It will be fatal spiritually to listen to them. Make lot of dua, especially at tahajjud for safeguard against their deception.
Karachi, Ramadan 1434
Robbers of sincerity
Appreciating the work being done on a website sayyidi wa sanadi Mufti Taqi Usmani (Allah preserve him and allow us to benefit from him spiritually, Amin!) said,
“The most essential thing is sincerity (ikhlas).
(That is doing a thing solely to gain the pleasure of Allah.)
Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) instructed Sayyidina Maaz bin Jabal (Allah be pleased with him),
أَخْلِصْ دِينَكَ يَكْفِكَ الْعَمَلُ الْقَليلُ
Be sincere in your Deen. This will be enough for you, (even) if your (good) actions are few.
There are many robbers of sincerity. They include showing off, love of fame and money, etc.. A major buccaneer is the assumption of acceptance from Allah (maqbooliyet indAllah) about one’s self.
Beware of them.’
Ramadan 1434, after dohar office majlis
Termination of islahi ta’luq
Sayyidi wa sanadi Mufti Mohammad Taqi Usmani (Allah preserve him) has made it very clear upfront in ‘Dasturul amal baraay talibeen e islah‘ that if there is a gap of more than six months in communication from the seeker in updating about his/her condition the islahi relationship will be terminated. Usually this is permanent.
However, there are exceptions.
The best approach is to humbly acknowledge one’s mistake, request for a second chance and be willing to accept the reprimand..
Most important thing is not to insist on one’s own demand. Actually it is bigger mistake to do so. Also, there is no role of asking senior murideen or mujazeen to intervene and plead one’s case. It usually backfires.
There is a lesson in this all. It is part of spiritual training tarbiyah.
Get organized
Towards the end of Ramadan a seeker called and lamented about not being able to utilize the precious moments effectively.
Sayyidi wa sanadi Mufti Mohammad Taqi Usmani (Allah preserve him and allow us to benefit from him immensely, Amin!) was obviously annoyed. He replied,
‘For a long duration you have lamented about the same problem.
That is, not being able to do what is instructed and required for a seeker. Until and unless you organize yourself and manage time properly you will continue to do so.
Make a decision. Either you plan and get organized or leave this path (of islah).
Do not lament!’
Ramadan 1434, after dhur, office.
In “Dasturul amal baraay talibeen e islah” it has been made very clear that if an individual is willing to spare the time and follow the instructions (including the daily recommeded recitation, etc.) only then he should commit and proceed for islah. Committing and then being lazy results in great loss of blessings. Also, it wastes time, especially for the Shaikh.
Rules for the Shaikh
Hakim al Umma Mawlana Ashraf Ali Thanawi (Allah have mercy on him) said,
‘Even the Shaikh should not sit idle. He should keep progressing in excellence.
Allah says,
‘and say, “My Lord, improve me in knowledge.” ‘[20:114]
He should not make a claim of excellence. However, there is no problem in mentioning the blessings (of Allah bestowed on him).
Allah says,
‘So, do not claim purity (from faults) for your selves.’ [53:32]
And
‘And about the bounty of your Lord, do talk.’ [93:11]
He should be eager on spreading the tariqa
Allah says,
‘who is very anxious for your welfare, [9:128]
He should be very kind and loving with the disciples.
Allah says,
‘and for the believers he is very kind, very merciful.’ [9:128]
He should forgive their shortcomings and mistakes.
Allah says,
‘Had you been rough and hard-hearted, they would have dispersed from around you. So, pardon them, and seek Forgiveness for them.’ [3:159]
He should not ignore them for the the sake of (wealthy or famous) worldly individuals.
Allah says,
Do not expel those who call out to their Lord morning and evening seeking His pleasure. You are not responsible for anything in their account, and they are not responsible for anything in your account, that you should expel them, and thus become one of the unjust. [6:52]
He should not expect any worldly benefit from the disciples.
Allah says,
‘Keep yourself content with those who call their Lord morning and evening, seeking His pleasure, and let not your eyes overlook them, seeking the splendor of the worldly life. And do not obey the one whose heart We have made heedless of Our remembrance,’ [18:28]
And,
‘ I did not demand any reward from you. My reward is with none except Allah,’ [10:72]
He should remain patient on the afflictions caused by fellow men.
Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
‘May Allah have mercy on my brother Musa, who was afflicted more than this (by his Umma) but he remained patient.’
He should maintain serenity and dignity. Otherwise disciple will consider him to be paltry and will not benefit from him (spiritually).
As is said regarding our Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) that whoever saw him from far away was intimated and whoever saw him from close by loved him.
He should not give preference to a disciple over others.
Allah says, ‘He (the Prophet) frowned and turned his face,’ [80:1]
However, if a disciple has more yearning of Allah(‘s pleasure) than it is fine to give preference to him.
He should not do anything that will make people have a bad opinion about him. As this will close the path (tareeq) of seeking instructions and benefiting (irshad).
Allah says,
‘the one who calls (people) towards Allah,’ [33:46]
Taleemud Deen, page 129-31
Permissible & impermissible acts regarding graves of awliya
Hakim al Umma Mawlana Ashraf Ali Thanawi (Allah have mercy on him) said,
‘Making elevated graves, constructing domes over them, observing death anniversaries (urs) with pomp and festivities, using excessive illumination (in these places and gatherings) as is the custom these days, and prostrating to dead or alive are all impermissible actions.
However, to visit (the graves of awliya), to forward the reward of good deeds to them and derive benefit (fayuz) from them (or their graves) if one is sahib e nisbet are all fine things. ‘
Taleemud Deen, page 129
Wali’s limits
Hakim al Umma Mawlana Ashraf Ali Thanawi (Allah have mercy on him) said,
‘A friend of Allah (wali) can never reach the status of any of the Prophets.
The acts of worship (that are essential) can never be waived off. On the contrary the elite (friends of Allah) are instructed to do more acts of worship.
However, a majzoob, who has a overwhelming state is excused.
The wali is neither infallible (m’asoom) nor can he reach the status of the Companions (of Prophet, Allah bless him and grant him peace). Allah says in this regards,
‘You are the best ‘Ummah ever raised for mankind.’ [3:110]
And the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said,
‘You are the best nation out of the people.’
Moreover, there is consensus (ijma) of the scholars that all of the Companions are just.
Abdullah ibn al Mubarak (Allah have mercy on him) who was from the taba’een, said, ‘the dust in the nose of horse that Sayyidina Muawiyah (Allah be pleased with him) rode is better than Owais al Qarni and Umar al Marwani (Allah have mercy on them.’
Taleemud Deen, page 128
Maintaining respect of awliya
Hakim al Umma Mawlana Ashraf Ali Thanawi (Allah have mercy on him) said,
‘Negligence in maintaining etiquette (adab) of friends of Allah (awliya) is forbidden.
Similar, and more worse, is the case of excessive and overenthusiastic attitude in this regards.
This is because, it diminishes the status of Allah and the Prophet.
For example, considering awliya to be ‘Alim ul ghayib‘ (having knowledge of ‘unseen’*). This (assumption) necessitates unbelief (kufr).
Allah says,
Say, “No one in the heavens and the earth has the knowledge of the Unseen except Allah.” [27:65]
Say, “I do not say to you that I have the treasures of Allah, nor do I have the knowledge of the Unseen, nor do I say to you that I am an angel. I only follow what is revealed to me.” ” [6:50]
“………….they encompass nothing of His knowledge, except what He wills.” [2:255]
Or considering them (awliya) to have powers to create or destroy something or give children or provision, etc. or coerce Allah to do so is also unbelief (kufr).
Say, “I have no power to bring a benefit or a harm to myself, except that which Allah wills.” [7:188]
Or to perform an act for them (awliya) from the (established) actions of worship (ibadaat). Like, intending a vow (nazar) in their name, or performing tawaf of their grave, or supplicating to them, or recitation of their name as form of worship. Some of these acts are sinful and innovation, and others are unbelief (kufr) and associating partners with Allah (shirk).
Allah says,
“You alone do we worship, and from You alone do we seek help.” [1:5]
The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said,
“Tawaf (circumbulation) of the House (of Allah: ka’ba) is (like) salah.”
«الدعاء هو العبادة»
“Supplications (dua) is (form of) worship”.
Allah says,
“Your Lord has said, “Call Me, I will respond to you. Definitely those who show arrogance against worshiping Me shall enter Jahannam (Hell) with disgrace.” [40:60]
“Surely, those whom you invoke beside Allah are slaves (of Allah) like you.” [7:194]
Taleemud Deen, page 127-9
Awliya are not infallible
Hakim al Umma Mawlana Ashraf Ali Thanawi (Allah have mercy on him) said,
‘One should not criticize the Shaikh if he infrequently commits something questionable.
One should remind himself of the story of Sayyedina Musa and Khidr (Allah’s peace be upon them).
Either make an excuse or recall that friends of Allah (awliya) are not infallible. Moreover, with repentance all (sins) are forgiven.
However, this is for the Shaikh who is steadfast on Shariah and is firmly rooted (in piety) and it is an (isolated) act (of disobedience) committed accidentally. If this individual has made the acts of disobedience (fisq o fujoor) his habit, openly and in secret, then he is not a friend of Allah (wali). There is no need to make an excuse for his speech and actions. One should leave him.’
Taleemud Deen, page 126-7